I’m writing this the day before we set off… the DAY BEFORE! How this has happened I’m not sure. The last month, and particularly the last fortnight has been incredibly full on. In fact, it’s been A LOT (something we’ve found ourselves saying… a lot).
I can honestly say that the combination of leaving work (and saying goodbye to much loved colleagues), selling our house (and moving out/packing all of our stuff up), preparing for a big scary adventure, and saying goodbye to friends and family is a lot to take on, all at once. On top of all of that, somehow the doing of all of this has brought quite a few thoughts and feelings about why we’re here, actually doing all of this, to the surface (quite obvious now I think about it).
It’s been a while since I’ve really felt very sad about not being a mum but the emotional turbulence of it all has made tears more readily accessible and the parallel life we might have been leading more present in my thoughts.
I’m not going to labour the point here but it feels important to say it – we’re still sad, it still hurts, I still want to be a mum, Matt still wants to be a dad. Cycling round the world will be life changing in many ways and will hopefully bring happiness, fulfilment and excitement. But really I wish that I was taking maternity leave not a career break, that the bath we put in our house (no longer our house) had been used for ‘bath time’ and that the photos taken with both of our families featured our children, alongside our nephew and nieces – rather than ‘just us’.
Alongside these feelings coming back to the surface, we’ve also been grappling with the sensation that by changing everything all at once we are jumping off a cliff, or we are bobbing about in a choppy sea with nothing to hold onto (apart from each other). A couple of weeks ago I asked Matt what would be the same on a day-to-day basis after we set off (to what it was then, when we were in our house, in the normal work routine). He struggled to find anything, apart from ‘having each other’.
Change is good for the soul (I really believe this), but it can also be really hard and unsettling. Now we’re in the choppy waters we’re ready and really need to find the new shore, some sort of new routine, a new ‘normal’.
Until then we’ve been busy with:
Leaving work
This was the first big wrench. My job is hard (as is Matt’s). No two days are the same, there is always a complex problem to deal with, or a difficult decision to make. There are frustrations and stresses and anxieties. But there are also huge successes, challenges overcome and amazing, committed people to do it all with. I’ve truly had purpose, a sense of belonging and meaning in work – which has felt lacking in other parts of my life. Saying goodbye was tough (but also fun). I had a fantastic night out with loads of work colleagues on my last day.
Matt also had a fab night out with a select crew of colleagues who travelled up to Manchester especially to wish him well. Resulting in him sleeping on a hotel corridor floor… definitely a celebration (less so the next day).
We were showered with gifts, cards, well wishes and an overwhelming amount of lovely heartfelt thanks. I really was overwhelmed, overcome, blown away and thankful. I’ve been lucky to find my place in an amazing job working in an amazing city. It was genuinely ‘a lot’ to wave everyone goodbye, for now.
Leaving our house
People say that moving house is one of the most stressful things you can do. I can confirm from our non-extensive experience that this is indeed correct (albeit I’m not sure if selling your house, packing up and putting all of your belongings in storage counts as ‘moving’).
The sale itself was relatively smooth. I say relatively as we still managed to have the usual delays in the conveyancing process and the fundamental uncertainties as to whether we would actually be selling the house or not (at least within the timeline we were aiming for).
Once all was confirmed and the movers were booked we just needed to pack everything which theoretically is straightforward given ‘we don’t have much stuff’.
As it turns out, we have more stuff than we thought and boxing it all up felt like a total marathon but we did it just in time (made all the more enjoyable by the boozy lunch the day before completion/moving day with our wonderful neighbours Maggie and Richard).
We love our house so this was another big wrench as we locked the door for the last time. It’s been our first proper home together and the last nearly seven years spent there have been life changing in many ways. We keep the memories but saying goodbye to our safe place, our home, was tough (especially knowing that it is being replaced by a tent).
Leaving friends and family
We’re not sure when we last consumed so many drinks, had so many toasts and so many hugs from the people we love.
We love our Mums and Dads, our sisters/brothers, our nephew and nieces. We love our friends. We’ll miss you all.
So that’s it
We’re ready, we’re packed, I’ve worked out how to get on and off my bike fully loaded (a genuine concern at one point), all of our belongings are in the right place (we hope), we’ve finished everything we could manage at work, we’ve said our goodbyes.
Now it’s time for hellos – the new normal here we come.
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